You’re a bitch mistress, iTunes

I’ve been very bad.  I have just been spending way too much money on iTunes.

I’d like to blame Neil Diamond.  That’s what started this crazy buying spree, because iTunes Alert informed me that his new album was out, so I bought that.  And because Neil Diamond is like eating chips or doing crack, you can’t do it just once, so I bought more Neil Diamond.  Like two whole albums more (maybe three?  Does Hot August Night Double Live count as one album or two?  Whatever.).   But I can’t blame Neil Diamond, because Neil Diamond is awesome. 

Then the next day I bought some Ingrid Michaelson.  And iTunes said I might enjoy A Fine Frenzy.  And I did enjoy A Fine Frenzy.  So I bought some.  And then I said, whoa, I need to lay off the iTunes, because I have no self control.

That lasted about three days.

I’d like to say yesterday was an accident and that I accidentally clicked on some things while I was trying to make an iTunes “we noticed iTunes is not your default player” message go away, but that would be a lie.

I swear  I clicked on “Celebrity Playlist.”  Celebrity Playlist is fun.  Ever wondered whether Judith Light is a fan of James Taylor (she is) or if Kim Kardashian has terrible, shitty taste in music (she does)?  Anyway, I really did mean to click on that.  But instead I clicked on iMix.  And I saw that someone put up a Grey’s Anatomy Season 4 mix.

I can’t watch Grey’s Anatomy anymore – not since Shonda Rhimes turned it into the Izzie Stevens Melodrama Crap Hour and especially not since Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd went down to Los Angeles to vag quack and bang acupuncturists and firefighters.  But, Grey’s was always a great show to find awesome music.  And I went insane on this iMix.  I didn’t buy everything (for one thing, it was over $50 worth of music and I do have some self control – just not that much).  And then I noticed that there was a Rilo Kiley song on the list that I hadn’t heard before and it turns out they released an album last August and I didn’t know about it, so… well.  I suck bascially.

Here’s the problem (aside from the fact that I’m spending money and I need to stop): there seems to be a theme in most of what I’ve been buying lately.  All the songs seem to be like:

Oh, hey there, guy.

You’re like the coolest boy

And you have nice eyes.

And you seem like you’d be cool to hang out and do nothing with.

But you don’t notice me very much

And I’m chicken-shit so I’m not going to say anything.

Even though I’d sell my kidneys on eBay to get you to pay even one-tenth as much attention as I would like.

 Although that auction would totally get pulled down because eBay doesn’t allow organ trafficking and besides that, it’s totally unethical and gross to sell organs because a lot of the people that really need those organs wouldn’t be able to afford them because they already have huge medical bills.

That’s beside the point.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

Anyway, sometimes you make me feel pretty

Even though I’m totally not.

So I’ll just hang out and watch you from afar

(But not like a stalker, because that’s creepy)

Until the next guy comes along who’s nice to me.

I’m probably not your type anyway.

And it’s all guitars and pianos and there’s a Belle and Sebastian-esque musical interlude and winsome female vocals and those aren’t the exact lyrics (because it would be silly for all of the songs I’ve been buying lately to have the same exact lyrics), but that’s the gist of the situation and it is Just.  Not.  What.  I.  Need.  Right now.

So basically, I just need to stay off iTunes.  (Oooh, but I can’t, because I have two albums on pre-order and there might be new stuff on my Just For You list…)

*sigh*

Sonofabitch.