Oh so cute

I’m probably the last person in the world to catch on to Puppy Cam, but oh my God, it’s so cute.  I actually sat around watching them sleep for like 45 minutes this afternoon.  They were spooning!  And one of them was having a bad dream and kicking it’s little legs!  And then when they woke up, one of them got into a fight with the stuffed carrot.  Heeee…

Anyway, here’s the story on the puppies.  Sadly, they’ll only be around for a few more weeks.  Once they turn eight weeks old, they all have new homes to go to.

I think W Magazine might have screwed the pooch on this one.  Because this is seriously a hot mess.  Let’s explore all that is wrong:

1.  Dead eyes.  Blake looks stoned.  And there’s no light in her eyes at all.  That’s some serious drunkface right there.

2.  Her neck appears to have been devoured by her hair.

3.  What the fuck is going on with her arm?  It looks like she has a separated shoulder that was set improperly.  I’m pretty sure only Barbie is the only one who can do that.

4.  Smashed boobs!  The sideboob is being pinched horribly!  And it’s starting to roll over the side of the dress!  Ouchies!!

5.  As further evidence that the dress doesn’t fit properly, note the wrinkles on the underboob area.  God Damn!  That’s what the liquify tool is for!

6.  Her legs are under there, right?  Like, near the flag area?  And what is the purpose of the flag anyway?  Unless “the best new American fashion” involves having the stars and stripes dangling off your ass.

If this is the final version, I shudder to think what the original, untouched version looks like.  Who did you piss off at W Magazin, Blake Lively?  Who?

(I’ve been neglecting my blog.  That’s bad.)

It’s been said that pets are a reflection of their owner.  Unfortunately for this maxim, my pet is a goldfish.  And while he is lazy, likes to eat a lot, is probably half-blind with memory problems (his problems owe to living in a bowl, mine stem from myopia and probably being dropped on my head as a small child), I don’t really consider Gordon Lightfish to be an accurate representation of myself.  Therefore, I submit to you that my car is a reflection of her owner: a selfish, spoiled little bitch.

Maybe part of it’s the name: Cavalier (see defs. 5, 6 and 10).  But honestly.  She’s finally paid off (as of last Thursday) but in the last month, I’ve spent more on repairs to her than on the initial loan I took out to buy her.  Last month, I spent about $1000 on body repair (not really necessary, but the rust spots were a little ghetto looking) and today, I spent just over $300 because the damn alternator crapped out.

I actually kind of lucked out on that one, because when I was driving home from my appointment this morning, I noticed the battery light came on.  Fortunately, I was about two miles from, the dealership, so I just headed straight there (as I’m doing total “oh, shit” driving, turning off the radio, unplugging my iPod adapter and ditching the AC… *sniff*) and they diagnosed the problem (although I spent almost three hours there, which ate up a considerable amount of my loafing around at home time).

Damn you car.  Don’t I spoil you?  I make sure to fill you up at the BP instead of Casey’s, even though the gas is routinely two to three cents cheaper at Casey’s (it’s not that I think the gas is somehow better at BP, I just don’t like the way the pumps are set up at Casey’s).  Don’t I take you to the good car wash on Jersey Ridge instead of the crappy one in Eldridge?  Don’t I spare you the indignity of having terrestrial radio spewing out of your speakers by having the iPod hooked up?  Is this because you can’t live in the garage?  Because that is not my fault.  Why have you forsaken me?

Oh.  Right.  Cuz you’re ten years old.  And you have a bajillion miles on you.  Right.

She better last, though.  Because between the new front brakes earlier this year, the body work and the new alternator, I’ve probably put more money into the car than she’s officially worth.

Which is probably how my parents feel about me most of the time.

Well, time to catch up on loafing.

more cat pictures

So, I was driving home tonight and as I’m cruising down 4th St., I was like, “Damn, why is there a pile of trash in the middle of the road?” Turns out, damn, it wasn’t a pile of trash. It was a whole family of raccoons.

There was a grown-up raccoon and three little raccoons huddled behind it all scared-like and it was so cute I almost barfed.  And after I was past them I saw in my rear-view that the big raccoon was leading the rest of them across the street single file.  Awwwwww.

But then the rest of the way home, after I smelled two dead skunks, had a moth suicide on my windshield and remembered the rotting dead elk in Arizona, I wasn’t so awwww anymore.  Because those raccoons are going to end up roadkill or get some disease from eating garbage or get killed in a dogfight.  And then I was like, ewwwww.

But for a moment, it was very cute.

Work is making me take a day off.

See, I’m what the kids like to call a “workaholic.”  I don’t know what to do with myself when I have days off.  But since Monday was a holiday (and since I don’t work Mondays), the company owes me a day and now I have to take tomorrow off.

My brother tells me I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.  After all, they are paying me.  And true, it’s one less day of being babysat by Bill before he retires (and actually, I’m not sure I’m going to see him before he retires since he’s taking today and Friday off and I’ll be cross-training on days next week…).  But on the other hand, what am I going to do?  I’m notorious for doing as little as possible on my “weekends.”  So should I just hang out at home in my pjs and let Anthony Hopkins teach me about the dangers of appeasement (Netflix is sending me Remains of the Day)?  Or should I get out of the house and do something?  But that means I might spend money, and I don’t have money, especially since I’m going to be getting my car fixed while we’re on vacay (rust removal).  And if I do something, what should I do?  Do I want to see a movie (except I just saw a movie…)?  Should I go shopping (I don’t need to go shopping, really)?  And if I’m not at work, then that means I’m losing yet another day on the side project I’m working on.  And also if I’m not working, that means I have to endure the scorn of everyone else in the house because I’m not doing anything.  This is why I don’t take days off.  They’re too complicated.  And I’m probably just going to sleep all day anyway.  God, my life sucks.

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I’m feeling a little depressed today.  I shouldn’t, but I do.  Yesterday was a pretty good day, but today was not overly awesome.  And I’m feeling slightly lonely, probably more than I have any reason to.  And work is not looking to be too entertaining this evening.  Bah.

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Dude, I closed a bar last weekend.  I’ve never done that before.  It was just a nice relaxing night out with some work peoples.  I watched some pool (if I tried to play, that would be suckitude in action) and just hung out.  And suddenly it was 3 am and we had to leave because the bar was closed.  And a note to whoever hijacked the jukebox after Tripp and Dave put money in: if you’re going to play Hall & Oates, pick good Hall & Oates, not Your Kiss is on My List Hall & Oates.  I was seriously expecting Andrew McCarthy to walk in (and Jon Cryer or Anthony Michael Hall to be wearing a strange hat, possibly a boater).

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Went to see the new Indiana Jones movie last night with Broseph.  It was good escapist fun, but I wasn’t buying it even before the WTF ALIENS!!  stuff.  Seriously, Indy should have died about 15 times.  And if George Frikkin Lucas is involved, he and his people ought to be able to do a better job of convincing me that Hamburger Heaven can swing from tree to tree like George of the Jungle.  Some of the effects were, shall we say… lacking (like the cars over the waterfalls business and Cate Blanchett getting attacked by a money army). 

However, we do get lucky.  The film features Alan ” Caleb Nichol” Dale, Neil ”Janitor” Flynn (who has appeared with Harrison Ford before) and Karen “I think I’m in love with a retard” Allen (who still looks amazing, by the way – has she aged at all since Animal House?).  Oh and by the way, Karen shows up to deliver exactly the kind of news that you would expect (yes, it involves the Godly Gift of Beef). 

Anyway, it’s pretty funny and they don’t try to pretend Harrison Ford isn’t old.  And there’s whip-cracking action.  So as far as films go, it does what it say on the tin and doesn’t suck, which is more tham you can say for most new releases. 

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If I was Cate Blanchett, I would be totally pissed:

Seriously.  That’s what Cate Blanchett would like like if she were ugly.  That thing looks kind of like me, but with worse hair.  And yes, she does crazy thigh things in the movie, but that’s ridiculous.   

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And finally, a note to Red Robin: A slight pox on you.  I like my cheese melted all the way on my cheeseburger.  I have had more pleasing cheese experiences at McDonalds.  That said, the steak-frites were delicious.

I’ve been very bad.  I have just been spending way too much money on iTunes.

I’d like to blame Neil Diamond.  That’s what started this crazy buying spree, because iTunes Alert informed me that his new album was out, so I bought that.  And because Neil Diamond is like eating chips or doing crack, you can’t do it just once, so I bought more Neil Diamond.  Like two whole albums more (maybe three?  Does Hot August Night Double Live count as one album or two?  Whatever.).   But I can’t blame Neil Diamond, because Neil Diamond is awesome. 

Then the next day I bought some Ingrid Michaelson.  And iTunes said I might enjoy A Fine Frenzy.  And I did enjoy A Fine Frenzy.  So I bought some.  And then I said, whoa, I need to lay off the iTunes, because I have no self control.

That lasted about three days.

I’d like to say yesterday was an accident and that I accidentally clicked on some things while I was trying to make an iTunes “we noticed iTunes is not your default player” message go away, but that would be a lie.

I swear  I clicked on “Celebrity Playlist.”  Celebrity Playlist is fun.  Ever wondered whether Judith Light is a fan of James Taylor (she is) or if Kim Kardashian has terrible, shitty taste in music (she does)?  Anyway, I really did mean to click on that.  But instead I clicked on iMix.  And I saw that someone put up a Grey’s Anatomy Season 4 mix.

I can’t watch Grey’s Anatomy anymore – not since Shonda Rhimes turned it into the Izzie Stevens Melodrama Crap Hour and especially not since Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd went down to Los Angeles to vag quack and bang acupuncturists and firefighters.  But, Grey’s was always a great show to find awesome music.  And I went insane on this iMix.  I didn’t buy everything (for one thing, it was over $50 worth of music and I do have some self control – just not that much).  And then I noticed that there was a Rilo Kiley song on the list that I hadn’t heard before and it turns out they released an album last August and I didn’t know about it, so… well.  I suck bascially.

Here’s the problem (aside from the fact that I’m spending money and I need to stop): there seems to be a theme in most of what I’ve been buying lately.  All the songs seem to be like:

Oh, hey there, guy.

You’re like the coolest boy

And you have nice eyes.

And you seem like you’d be cool to hang out and do nothing with.

But you don’t notice me very much

And I’m chicken-shit so I’m not going to say anything.

Even though I’d sell my kidneys on eBay to get you to pay even one-tenth as much attention as I would like.

 Although that auction would totally get pulled down because eBay doesn’t allow organ trafficking and besides that, it’s totally unethical and gross to sell organs because a lot of the people that really need those organs wouldn’t be able to afford them because they already have huge medical bills.

That’s beside the point.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

Anyway, sometimes you make me feel pretty

Even though I’m totally not.

So I’ll just hang out and watch you from afar

(But not like a stalker, because that’s creepy)

Until the next guy comes along who’s nice to me.

I’m probably not your type anyway.

And it’s all guitars and pianos and there’s a Belle and Sebastian-esque musical interlude and winsome female vocals and those aren’t the exact lyrics (because it would be silly for all of the songs I’ve been buying lately to have the same exact lyrics), but that’s the gist of the situation and it is Just.  Not.  What.  I.  Need.  Right now.

So basically, I just need to stay off iTunes.  (Oooh, but I can’t, because I have two albums on pre-order and there might be new stuff on my Just For You list…)

*sigh*

Sonofabitch.

Ohhhhh my God. A new teaser trailer for the new X-Files movie was released. I’m not quite sure what to think. Like, yeah, Billy Connelly is there. And there’s helicopters and people running around on glaciers and shit. But wouldn’t I have been more excited about this news several years ago? Isn’t there just a leeeeetle too much water under that bridge? Will I Netflix this? Absolutely. Will I see it in the theatre? Eh… probably maybe not.

Several other problems. First, there will be a notable lack of The Lone Gunmen. Unless they can come back from the dead (and I will not have any more of this Mulder Talking to Ghosts shit). Second, I always liked The X-Files when they were being funny. The vampire one with Luke Wilson? Comedy gold. The CSM and the Syndicate? Booooring. (Well, most of the time anyway. And does it make me a terrible X-Files fan that I was more a fan of the monsters of the week than of the overall Larger Picture universe in which they all existed?) The first X-Files movie? Various levels of suckitude. And now I have to contend with Amanda Peet (and her character FBI Special Agent Dakota Whitney – which is a total porn star name, by the way).

I will say this for sure: Gillian Anderson still looks hella awesome. So I guess that’s something.

(PS – Speaking of aliens, the Vatican says that it is ok for me to believe in them.  So… yay?  It’s a lot easier to believe in than, say, transubstantiation.)

  This is Clark Gregg.  In some circles, he’s known as that guy that married to post-nose job Jennifer Grey.  You might have seen him in movies, or on TV.  Maybe you’re like me and went to see Iron Man and when you saw Agent Phil Coulsen (of the eventually named SHEILD), you were like “Hey!  It’s That Guy!”

Yeah, Clark Gregg shows up in a lot of stuff as “Government Agent” or “Cop” or ”Staid, Important Dude.”   Take a gander at his IMDB profile and you’ll see a lot of stuff like that.  Cop shows, military movies, “The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones,” the like.  Yes, you can bet that if there’s a need for a worldly, calm, semi-powerful man figure, Clark Gregg will show up on the short list. 

Silly me, though.  I completely forgot that Clark Gregg did a stint on The West Wing as Special Agent Mike Casper, the Friendly FBI Agent.  He was awesome.  And because no one works with Aaron Sorkin just once, he was also on SportsNight (which I also forgot), playing Calvin Trager, owner of Quo Vadimus, the guy that bought Continental Corp, presumably saving all their jobs, although we never found out because ABC cancelled the show. 

So big ups to Clark Gregg.  A solid utility man if ever there was one.

(Incidentally, if you are a girl and your mom wonders why you want to see Iron Man, show her the trailer and then scoff.  She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.)

The Kentucky Derby was today.  Oooh!  Ponies!!

Anyway, because it matters to some people, Hillary Clinton was asked which horse she was backing.  She picked a pretty filly by the name of Eight Belles. 

Eight Belles came in second.  At the finish line, she broke both her front ankles.  And had to be euthanized.

Hmm.

I’m not saying the two events are related.  I’m just saying.

IMG_0061

Originally uploaded by piccadillyline

It’s not like I didn’t know there was going to be water on the road. The stupid streets have been closed since Saturday night. But truth be told, I wasn’t paying that much attention as I was careening through the Mid-American Energy parking lot (possibly illegally) and across Wundram Way through the transportation entrance. Then I parked my car and got out and I was like, “Holy crap. There’s water all up in here.”

It’s not actually *in* the parking lot yet. I’m not even sure if it’s supposed to (and if it does, I’ll be pissed because then we might have to resort to EVIL Bix parking), but damn, I am inattentive.

(Here’s a few more pictures. They’re not great, because I snapped them on my way into work, but you get the idea.)